“I love America more than any other country in the world and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.”~ James Baldwin, American novelist, essayist, playwright, poet, activist, and author of Notes of a Native Son
I inherit my father’s flat facial features, shortness, and modest character, but I have not carried over—and will not ever do so—his idolized version of America deeply ingrained in his imagination. Certainly, America has granted me the rigorous education I’d longed for, the diverse environment I wish I’d been surrounded by earlier, and the differences of opinion that have strengthened my holistic worldview. But when it comes to my father, there is no better term to describe him than the Chinese idiom, “崇洋媚外”—the admiring of “everything foreign” and the “blind worship of foreign goods and ideas.” (1)
He laughs every time I call him that, as if I was joking with him, or, even worse, as if my words were a joke to him. Did he think I was still his 10-year-old daughter, calling him a bumpkin, a word that I had just learned from my friends, which I had no clue what it meant?
I have to admit that I struggle with this endless cycle of oppression. Being an authentic Asian brought up by a rather conservative family, I dare not contradict him. He says that it is disrespectful when I “raise my voice,” while, in fact, I am just cool-headly attempting to knock some genuine sense into him.
My father is an exemplar of a blind worshipper, and I feel sorry for him more than anyone else. Being someone who has completed his education and spent his whole life working in China, he has only gone to America for either tourism purposes, short business trips, or to accompany me during my boarding school visits. It is not his fault that most of his information comes from second-hand Chinese-based news sources or the same group of colleagues who have daughters and sons succeeding in America. And yes, this is one of the main reasons I cherish my opportunity to study in America—I am given a chance to involve myself empirically in the country.
Meanwhile, my father envies the well-mannered Americans, the cars that give way to pedestrians, the food safety, the pleasant air quality, the New York strip steaks, and all that. But what about the Americans who disregard the necessary social responsibility of wearing a mask, the amount of unjustly treated prisoners used fundamentally as an economic system, and the land of cultural diversity that seems to either exploit or marginalize its foreigners?
“I spend so much money for you to acquire top-notch education” is my father’s favorite saying. Admittedly, U.S. colleges account for 27% of the world’s top 100 universities,(2) but does he know how much institutional discrimination has played a role in lifting Whites and undermining international students in college admissions, of how much more an Asian, Hispanic, African-American, or any other race have to achieve, in order to step in the same Harvard gates?
No, he does not. Although I concede that his beliefs are true, they are only partly true; the core problem behind his assumptions is the romanticized depictions of what America is like. He doesn’t realize that these social phenomena are either hugely superficial or one-sided, or a broad generalization based on conventional wisdom (proven not wise at all).
I hate to stand up as a teacher to point out what he does not know about America—the filthy side behind the flawless mask—since I consider myself a learner.
Yet here I am, a student studying at the supposedly greatest country with the most powerful economy, that my father proudly entitles the most “civilized” nation.
Recently, I have been relieved to know during our scarce car rides together, that my father agrees that Donald Trump is a failing president. I have been using this one piece of insight from him to form a political conversation around us, and now moving towards discussions about America as an entirety. Now, I avoid using the rather simple term “崇洋媚外” because it is worn out, and just calling him that serves no inherent purpose.
Although every comment I make is pieced together carefully (I am still the meek daughter), we examine George Floyd’s death that uncovers the underlying issue of systematic racism rooted in America, converse about the pursuit of happiness from immigrants that came to be deported or used as slaves, and exchange views on the wealth gap that is continually aggravated by tax cuts from the President. I learn from him, too, about US-China relations, and what it means for me to be an overseas student on an F-1.
I recognize that I am not the most knowledgeable or impartial human being—I hold views that advocate for my identity, and the results are unavoidably prejudiced to some extent. But what differentiates me from my father—and I am sparing no effort to shift his mentality to this— is that I try my best to hold myself accountable for my perceptions of what accurately makes up America.
To all the international students out there, I urge you to have more frequent conversations with your family, inform them of the most up-to-date information about America so that you can both commend and criticize the country objectively through the means of education, not censure. If you encounter peers who are still stuck in an airy unconcern and ignorance of what is truly happening in America, I encourage you to stand up to do so as well.
It is, after all, the erratic 2020. The world is revealing its vulnerabilities; thus, it is up to our generation to shape the future. It is neither time for us to escape reality nor to deny reality. We need to change reality. And I strongly believe one of the most pressing issues at hand is to overcome idealistic visions about the “Great” America, and working toward making it truthfully great.
1 Linguee Dictionary. (2020). 崇洋媚外 - English translation – Linguee. Linguee.com. https://www.linguee.com/chinese-english/translation/%E5%B4%87%E6%B4%8B%E5%AA%9A%E5%A4%96. html
2 The world's top 100 universities. (2020, June 9). Top Universities. https://www.topuniversities.com/student-info/choosing-university/worlds-top-100-universities
Author 作者
Name: Cynthia Zhang
Grade: 10
School: Northfield Mount Hermon
姓名：张澜馨
年级：10
学校：北野山高中
Hailing from Beijing, Cynthia is a sophomore at Northfield Mount Hermon, a boarding school in Massachusetts. She explores the surrounding world through an artistic lens of creative writing. Outside of writing, Cynthia enjoys playing the works of Debussy and Liszt, debating, and mentoring young students English and piano.
Cynthia来自北京，是马萨诸塞州一所寄宿学校——北野山高中的高二学生。她通过创意写作的艺术视角探索周围的世界。除了写作，她喜欢演奏德彪西和李斯特的作品、辩论、以及指导年龄较小的学生英语和钢琴。
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