A Moment of Transformation That Made Me the Person I Am Today
Part 1
Half an hour before the grand opening of my piano recital, my mind raced through the toughest parts in my repertoire that troubled me the most. In the past, I had used this strategy to alleviate my performance anxiety since it brought me a feeling of familiarity and solace.
As I tried to recall what came after my cadenza in the third movement of my Mozart’s Concerto No.21 K.467, yet perhaps because of my churning stomach, forceful heartbeats, and cold sweat on my hands, I was alarmed when I could not.
With urgency, I whispered to my piano teacher, “Do you remember what goes on after my cadenza?” She smiled reassuringly and hummed the melody line to me, which helped me slowly visualize the notes on the score. I regained my confidence and imagined music flowing all the way from my foot on the pedal to my hands on the keyboard.
As soon as I felt my fingertips make contact with the smooth, lustrous, and delicate ivory keys of the Steinway, I knew there was not stopping. At the same time, I could not foresee what my agitated fingers would do on the keys. Would they dance? Would they perform from muscle memory? Or, would they struggle to find the keys that they meant to play, before collapsing? And would six months of hard work simply disintegrate into ashes?
I shook my mind out of these black and white thoughts because there was no use in contemplating what might happen anymore. Good or bad, I reminded myself that today I was a pianist. That meant that I had to have faith in myself. So, I told myself to smile and enjoy the process because being a pianist was a fondly-cherished, once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Part 2
The night before, I laid on my bed and envisioned myself on stage performing. The unanimous harmonies, weaved in subtle grace, produced instant euphoria and brought me to a faraway botanic garden. The melody continued even at such a distance, inviting robins and mockingbirds to chime in. Soon, the whole garden was filled with all kinds of birds. Each embodied an unfettered soul, gliding across the air.
At times, the romantic revival of music softened like marshmallows; at times, the notes on my fingertips beamed like the rays of the sun at dawn; and, at times, the intricate arpeggios drizzled before a rainbow plastered in the sky. This was my daydream, but, in reality, would tomorrow turn out this way? I hoped so.
Dragging myself back to the real world, I focused on the more pragmatic essentials. My teacher instructed me to listen to the recordings of the pieces that I would perform tomorrow. But, I instead listened to every other song not on my repertoire.
Having my ears exposed to finally some unfamiliar music woke me up and calmed me down. I dozed off that evening thinking about an old Chinese proverb: Ten years of preparation offstage for the mere minute onstage. I did not know whether the performance would turn out good or bad, despite all the effort and dedication I had put in to prepare for it. I was desperately in need of someone to tell me the answer.
Author 作者
Name: Cynthia Zhang
Grade: 10
School: Northfield Mount Hermon
姓名：张澜馨
年级：10
学校：北野山高中
Hailing from Beijing, Cynthia is a sophomore at Northfield Mount Hermon, a boarding school in Massachusetts. She explores the surrounding world through an artistic lens of creative writing. Outside of writing, Cynthia enjoys playing the works of Debussy and Liszt, debating, and mentoring young students English and piano.
Cynthia来自北京，是马萨诸塞州一所寄宿学校——北野山高中的高二学生。她通过创意写作的艺术视角探索周围的世界。除了写作，她喜欢演奏德彪西和李斯特的作品、辩论、以及指导年龄较小的学生英语和钢琴。
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